1. Avoid eye contact. 2. Avoid nose contact. 3. Avoid contact with Australia.

1. Avoid meowing. 2. Keep a dog with you at all times. 3. Do not sleep anywhere a cat may be able to "get at you".

The Year of the Salamander is the shortest of the Chinese Zodiac years. It is not very well understood as it has only noticeably occurred on...

The other day I was driving and I came to an intersection and stopped for a red light. There were no other cars in sight in any direction an...

The semicolon ( ; ) is a punctuation mark with several uses. The Italian printer Aldus Manutius the Elder established the practice of using...

On a cool summer evening sitting around a crackling fire on a knotty old log, I was once told a story by a man of the most questionable repu...

There is a great she-warrior who has travelled deep into the inky blackness of the night, fought inhospitable hospital-gowned phantoms and b...

Smiley Jones had no way of knowing that his destiny was to become breakfast. Once upon a time, this blog was visited semi-regularly by six, ...

There once was a blogger who was far more likely to be attacked by a badger outside of a dimly lit Seven-Eleven due to a case of mistaken id...

Okay, so what exactly is my fascination with narcoleptic birds anyway? I shall attempt to explain from the other way round: insomniac earthw...

Fred tried to be different, but it was virtually impossible due to the fact that he was afflicted with severe normalmania. Sometimes he woul...

OH MY GOD! I CAN'T SEE MY EYES!!!

While spellcheckers are ubiquitous, the inclination to use them is apparently not. I personally appreciate and advocate individuality and or...

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DERELICT BRAIN'S FIRST ANNUAL WORDLESS WRITING COMPETITION 2008! ENTRY RULES: 1. Wordless essays or stories must be 1,000 words or less ...

The following is excerpted from the unpublished script, Le Boom, penned by the mysterious writer/lothario, Hugh Manzuno.  All rights are mai...

So, there I was on Planet Noggin searching for cranium and other precious mentals, when suddenly I went out of my mined.

"When I was in school, I didn't fare so well in History class. In fact, I didn't do so well in Future class either. So I concen...

The smelly business of perspective: There have been six mass extinctions in the history of the earth that have accounted for more than half ...

Simon the Worm Monst (he was neither the worm monstest or even worm monster) pointed the witches broom in the wrong direction and quickly le...

" Is a funny thing, life. No one is getting to choose to be born. Is just poof! and there you are. After a while you are feeling pretty...

My mind is very much like the opposite of the Magic 8-Ball. Shake it up a little bit and instead of getting answers, it spits out questions....

There is no hidden message here, but I LOVE you for looking! I should be working, but instead I am alive. I am alive in Birmingham, Alabama ...

MITTENS:  n.  Coverings for the hands that encase the thumb separately and the four fingers together. WHIT: n. A tiny or scarcely detecta...

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when i began this blog and the Fluvio Nortnoodle companion blog , I intended to pay them a lot of attention and hopefully grow a faithful au...

When asked for his opinion concerning drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, Ningakpok the bear said, "What is your opinion o...

Doppelganger. That typically refers to your look alike. Some stranger out there who bears an uncanny resemblance to you. But what about an i...

When I was younger, 12 or 13 maybe, I was fascinated by unproven but seemingly plausible phenomena (well, plausible to a preteen mind anyway...

ummm....  secret message #337: when life smells of poo, wipe off your shoe!

First there was the horse whisperer, a guy who could get horses to behave. Then there was the dog whisperer, a guy who could make dogs beha...

So, at the beginning of the summer, I built my mother a garden pond complete with a waterfall and stream, right? (I'm such a good boy). ...

So, I put a ridiculous survey on this blog (just over there to the right) and have been pleasantly surprised to discover that five whole peo...

Hello boys, girls, and androgynous rock stars! today we'll be talking about politics. Yes that is one of the four taboo subjects we'...

There once was a ship. A pirate ship no less! And nary here was there a scallywag. Arrrggghh! but wait! It was also a ship of fools! And th...