Hyper-Subjective Punctuation (PART ONE)

The semicolon ( ; ) is a punctuation mark with several uses. The Italian printer Aldus Manutius the Elder established the practice of using the semicolon mark to separate words of opposed meaning, and to indicate interdependent statements.[1] The earliest, general use of the semicolon in English was in 1591; Ben Jonson was the first notable English writer to use them systematically. The modern uses of the semicolon relate either to the listing of items, or to the linking of related clauses.



The colon (:) is a punctuation mark consisting of two equally sized dots centered on the same vertical line. Use of the : symbol to mark the discontinuity of a grammatical construction, or a pause of a length intermediate between that of a semicolon and that of a period, was introduced in English orthography around 1600. John Bullokar's An English expositor (1616) glosses Colon as "A marke of a sentence not fully ended which is made with two prickes."



The semisemicolon is a psedo-imaginative punctuation mark most often used in dreams (and sometimes in typesetting to express extreme displeasure when receiving too many commas due to a shipping error). The semisemicolon first appeared in the year 1552 when a young unicorn named Larry Fitzsimmons dreamed up the first of several never-ending sentences.



The supercolon is a punctuation mark mostly used by grammatical purists to point out their intellectual superiority. First use of the supercolon was noticed in Edward Hillwater's grammatical omnibus 'Twere I Dither, Wither Might I Roam? in which he explains it's usage as "...a bridge to span that mighty gap left yawing 'tween the grace of a colon and the loathsome finality of a period."



The supersemicolon is a punctuation mark first used by the famous grammar critic, Steed Fwarkbronque in his review of Edward Hillwater's grammatical omnibus 'Twere I Dither, Wither Might I Roam? The entire critique was considered rather rude, but it was Steed's choice to end it with a supersemicolon rather than a period that is generally considered the moment at which began the grammer-free, slangless, eye-twitching communication of the late 1970's which later gave birth to rap.